looking for home   2004-05-30

how are we going to find a place to live? not sure.


where are we going to live? no idea.


can we live in the hostel? no.


okay.


so there we are. we've been in the hostel a week and it's time to move on. the hostel is located close to the taipei main train station ... pretty much in the centre of town. for a main hub kind of location it's not all that bad. all the added attractions of a transition location seemed relatively absent. sure you could get some quivering street meat ... or some dodgy looking watches and "men's grooming" products ... the real thing! ... but you can get those anywhere. not a bad part of town. not exactly pretty but not bad for water stained concrete.


we spent a couple of days trolling hangouts in foreigner sections of town looking at bulleting boards with rental notices on them but no dice. either sharing a room with laid back australians who like quiet nights in and walks along the beach under a full moon, or texans. nada to both. not much luck on that front or on the tealit website for teachers in taiwan. we were after a one bedroom apartment. some self-contained sanity. let's face it ... in this kind of heat sometimes you'll just want to kick back at your pad in your boxers sipping soy sauce straight out of the bottle. you can't do that with roomates. at least not during the three month honeymoon period. and that's a long time in this heat.


what to do? call brian. his boss left the country ... i don't know ... the whole affair sounds pretty dodgy ... but there's a factory in mainland china involved ... and one day brian went in and there was no more company. so he's taking his first "vacation" in over six years. he's doing some work for his boss as i write this getting ready for and exhibition of some kind ... the original ginsu? ... but he's not happy about it. anyway, he has some time on his hands so he's been awesome about helping us out.

he picked up a chinese paper ... yeeeah ... only about a million times more rental ads as compared to the english news classifieds, which consist of half of one page. not including exotic massages of course. a whole page devoted for those. brian sure knows how to work the phone. the guy's a monster. sure ... he doesn't utilize the hands-free option ... but i've never seen someone do so much with two hands, a pad of paper, and a shoulder shrug. he was lining viewings up for us left, right, and centre.


the whole experience was basically a classic case of expectations colliding with reality. super pumped to go and check out the apartments. he narrowed down our viewings to those matching our criteria ... furnished, relatively cheap, and air conditioning not a deal sealer ... but a definite bonus.


to be honest ... most of the apartments we looked at have blurred into one small, stinky bundle. it's hard to remember the "clean" one with the dirty footprints tracked thoughout the place and the light film of grease covering everything. or the "furnished" one without a bed, a couch or chairs, wardrobe, any sort of kitchen. or the "good view" one overlooking an abandoned tennis court complete with WWII era exercise equipment ... outdoor gym! or the one conveniently located on the seventh floor with only a claustrophobic completely unlit stairway winding it's way to the top through what appeared to be the living rooms of people living on the first six floors. yeeeah. no.


at the end of the first day of looking our hopes and dreams of finding a decent place to live were in tatters. did we shed a few silent tears? yes. would this be the best taipei had to offer in this price range? maybe. time to head into the next rent bracket. let's quit mincing around ... time to think about spending an extra 30 bucks a month on rent.


the next day brian showed up armed and ready to go. he had a better understanding of our expectations. when we said "small" we really meant "big." when we said "clean" we really meant "clean." we drew the circle wider. sure our dreams were crushed but our hope was still hanging on by a heartbeat.


for all the time spent wandering down impossibly narrow and crowded back alleys looking at apartments only to be confronted with the terrifying prospect of actually living in one of them it was pretty amazing to be actually walking down them. like slipping down the rabbit hole.


the day's viewings got progressively better. we were definitely on the right track and getting warmer.


i thought we'd reached our goal when we made it to bobby's apartment. maybe in his late 60's ... a retired english teacher who spoke no english ... basically crazy. brian said he'd been living in the room for the past seven years. he hadn't been outside for the last few. the place was fairly decent and we might have taken it if it wasn't for the fact that we couldn't rule out crazy bobby letting himself into the place in the middle of the night and hunkering down in the corner puffing a cigarette while watching us sleep. would i expect that of an enemy? sure. of a friend? maybe ... a good one. but a landlord? negative. brian really got a workout with bobby. we must have been in there for over an hour. refusing dodgy looking cups of water. i hate to offend but i'm not sure what the status of my booster shots is and i couldn't risk it for crazy bobby. sure he offered us his cell phone ... take it, it's yours ... but it just didn't feel right taking his cell. our decision was sealed when we noticed brian edging out the door and motioning us to high tail it behind him. done.


near the end of the day we opened up a door and behold ... clean! hardwood floors! new furniture! cable tv! a new mini-fridge! clean! our hearts melted. sure it didn't have a kitchen. big deal ... we'll be eating out a lot. play it cool. act like we're not over the moon. brian gets down to work and opens up the big ol' can of negotiation and pulls out a couple of "we're walking right now if you don't open up your big ol' can of concessions and pull out a couple of freebies" punches. we look at the four corners of the room and nod to each other. no matter what happens between brian ... and ... the guy ... we know we're moving in. but we look pretty cool. a few dispassionate glances around. we could take it or leave it is written all over our faces. we'll let him know.


so we go out for a snack of taro root and shrimp eggs and let him dangle on the hook for a while. he calls. brian talks. we're signing the contract the next day at high noon.


marlene is at work so brian and i head over and do the deed. we're in. if we break the one year contract we're dead. and we have to pay for the bullet. fine. i'm moving our stuff over later that afternoon. after making my way back to the hostel, packing our bags, and playing a quick "everyone wins" game of charades with a taxi driver we edge out into traffic and head for home.


i have no idea what the address is. it's across the street from a 7-11. kitty corner from a huge temple. above a dentist. and beside a "piano" bar ... for gentlemen only. if you know what i mean.


we have an apartment!

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