welcome to the jungle   2004-06-05

phew ... a busy few days since the last update and some good times to report.

i can't delve right in without a quick word on the music pumping through the speakers right now. brian adams. robin hood theme song. but here's the real beauty ... it's a live cover by an asian super group (i'm making that up ... could be a b-circuit bar band) complete with screamlingly beautiful guitar solo, screaming fans, and some oh-so-close-but-not-quite-spot-on english lyric translations. wicked. right before that was a little slice of phil collins ... also asian style. "you can't bury love" ... complete with soprano sax solo. daniel ... that one's for you.

while music is at the finger tips ... the japanese supermarket chain ... "wellcome" ... has a theme song set to the tune of "happy birhtday." so while you're shopping for your frozen octopus or your fresh and suspiciously blue-looking chicken you're serenaded to you guessed it ... happy birthday ... asian-style. naturally followed up with a bossa-nova inspired piece. and then repeated over and over and over and over and over ...

not to be outdone, however, is the store pumping out "here comes the bride." i'm assuming fresh new lyrics.

whoa ... in the time it's taken me to write this ... brian adams is back on. queue reverb on the drums and lots of power chords ... and now the screaming fans ... "i'd die for you ... you know it's true ... everything i do ... i do it for you." beautiful.

okay ... first off ... thanks for all the birthday greetings. such a treat to fire up this "windows 98" super computer and feel the love. especially since yesterday was one of those thinking of home days. missing: people ... cafe paradiso ... canada. just a grey day here. 31. far from home. you know the drill. so i went across the street to 7-11 ... headed straight for the cooler at the back and pulled out a big ol' king can of golden goodness. don't try this at home ... especially if you're alone. i took comfort and companionship in the crazy game show on tv. there's nothing you can't do on tv. things took a dramatic upwards heave when marlene walked through the door with a little wrapped present.

yeh! cutting ... (madonna - "pappa don't preach" now playing overhead) ... through the string i unwrapped a new bodum for coffee. the one we packed was smashed in transit and i'd taken to gingerly pecking at a newly bought and alarmingly huge jar of instant nescafe. sometimes with water and sometimes without. i saw the next few years stretching out before me in an agonizing strip of powdered coffee. no longer. thanks marlene. the next step is finding coffee beans and a grinder somewhere in taipei.

the apartment is awesome. i've worked it out to slightly smaller than 400 square feet so it's not so much the physical space as the mental space. the beauty is it's just sooo clean. for me ... in taipei ... nothing could rank higher than this. balcony? puh-shaw. another couple hundred sqaure feet? not interested. kitchen? nah. when i buy a camera and if i can get it to work with the super computers in this cafe i'll post some pictures. just imagine a rectangular box with windows at one end and you'll have it.

still not sure what the address is in english. i have it written in mandarin in my wallet ... but no luck in english yet. tonight is the night though. some chinese people coming over tonight and they're not leaving without leaving behind an english present.

work. i've started work with a one-on-one student. this is the life. an MD with a very high level of english. basically we meet ... and talk. no lesson planning. no preparation besides reading an english language news paper and picking a few interesting looking articles to discuss. miss universe the other day. teletubbies ... evil or benign? routinte HIV screening without informed consent. ethical? because it can get a little trying sitting in petite kids' desks for a few hours we shake it up by heading outside and going for a walk around the neighborhood. throw in a few shopping trips to high-end boutiques for good measure. she's a VIP customer at what appears to be most shops in the district ... gucci ... kookai ... so we've stopped in and done a little shopping. surely it can't be this easy.

other than that i've been quite busy observing other teachers' classes to get a feel for what goes down in a classroom. yeeeah ... sheer boredom or pandamonium and not much in between. sure the kids are cute and all ... but turn your back and you've just signed your death warrant. i'd taken extensive notes and had several debriefings with my academic director ... a very cool woman ... all to prepare myself for this little surprise ...

richard: "uh, todd ... could you sub for me on saturday morning?"

todd: "uh ... i don't know how."

richard: "come on ... it's easy. you just blah blah blah blah blah ..."

todd: "uh ... "

richard: "awesome. thanks man."

todd: "uh ..."

richard: "oh yeah ... it's actually two classes."

todd: "uh ..."


so ... that was it. observation is over. hit the trenches soldier. show no fear. keep your head up. stay on your toes. the kids don't want to be there. keep them happy and active. i cobbled together a couple of "lesson plans" with the "teacher trainer" and that was it. hit the black board running.

i woke up with a deep deep pit in my stomach. i had two two hour classes to fill with only the barest idea of what i was going to do. sure i'd been in this situation countless times when it came to playing music ... but at least you can sit down and avert your eyes. heck ... throw in a few minutes of silence and it's art. people actually clap. sometimes. but this ... i foresaw minute after minute piling up in front of me. a full 240 of them and i was worried.

so ... this morning came ... and i was right to be worried. my notes ... so lovingly prepared on a crisp sheet of A4 were torn to shreds and abandoned within minutes. i'm subbing so ... that's pretty much a universal licence for students to rule the class. "be strong," i'm thinking. "stay focused." but i was a ship without a rudder for most of the two classes. a sea of black-haired framed faces staring at me ... alone at the front.

todd: "uh ..."

i think we can safely say it was a disaster for the most part. i pretended i was robin williams. "hey ... look at me ... i'm so goofy. and i have some kick-ass funny voices. do you know what this word means? no? have you studied this already? no? yes?" blank stares. a smattering of chinese being bandied about ... they can smell blood. i'm dead. "why am i not somewhere else?" i'm thinking. "this is so weird. i'm in taipei in front of a bunch of kids at 9:00am on a saturday morning. i should be somewhere else. i'm not sure where ... but ... not ... here."

it's been said many times before ... but i truly was saved by the bell. like loaded springs they headed for the door. out. get. i limped back to the teachers room and all heads turned when i walked in.

unison: "so ... ?"

todd: "uh ..."

unison: "yeah ... it's like that the first few times."


thanks to eddy for the quick shoulder massage before pushing me out the door and back into the ring. round one over. two years to go. i hear it gets better. i think marlene may actually enjoy it ... so ... that's encouraging.

starting monday i'm subbing five classes for another teacher ... how i pine for my one-on-one ...

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