don't feed the wildlife   2004-06-10

well ... it's been a couple of days and i've spent a big chunk of those hours prepping and subbing for another teacher. some people have been saying things to the tune of ... "hey todd, suck it up ... at least the kids aren't bringing knives into your class." true enough. or ... "ride the pain." right. ride the pain.


so i've been riding the pain a little bit and so far i've probably dropped about 10 pounds. 6 pounds are probably a result of walking around in the sweltering heat when we first arrived. the other 4 i'm putting down to waking up with a pit in my stomach and having no appetite. just the thought of tucking into a big bowl of full fat milk almost does me in. it might say "low fat" on the outside ... but something tells me the fine folks in the milk factory just slap random stickers on the containers. "low fat" had a blue sticker last time. same brand. this time out it's orange. if it's yellow next time i'm paying more attention to the chinese characters and not taking the english translation at face value.


i scoured the aisles and found some instant oates on our last shopping trip. i'm hoping they give me the same boost as they did in previous years. there's nothing like heading out for a stressful day knowing you're covered on the vitamin b12 front. i've always had a bit of a "sensitive" stomach in the mornings ... any first-hand evidence to the contrary any of you may have experienced has been the exception and not the norm.


the lead up to the class is like stepping off a high diving board in really slow motion. painful. pit in the stomach. but you keep moving forward. and then ... you're off the edge. you're in front of the class and falling for a good two hours. after it's over i tuck into an inoffensive peanut butter and jam sandwich and wash it down with some water. i'm waiting for my man sized hunger to strike. i know it's laying in wait for me waiting to surprise me with a big ol' helping of deep-fried goodness.


come 5:00 though i'm ready to rock and roll. by this time i've suffered through the passion of the class and i'm ready to release the hounds. we went out to an incredible buffet dinner to celebrate my birthday with brian, two of his mexican friends here on business, a friend of theirs, and juno the other night and let me tell you ... the hounds were hungry.


buffets. there's an artform to doing a buffet up right. if i may ... it's not unlike lesson planning for a class. you have to know your plan of attack. you have to know your pacing. you can't just walk in cold and start givin'er. no. foolhardy. unwise. you have to know what you're doing.


so ... the classic opening gambit ... a cursory but completely thorough look at the offerings. maybe a few grapes to nibble on while conducting such. this is probably the single most important thing you can do in a buffet. it was expansive. a section of fresh fish, mushrooms, meats and the like waiting for your nod. a slight tilt of the head and the goods were wisked off to be grilled or barbequed. a section of vegetables, more fish, tofu, shellfish, who knows what waiting to be stuffed into bamboo baskets for steaming. a huge section devoted to raw fish and shellfish ... sushi and sashimi-style i guess. countless fried goodies ... veggies, tofus, fish ... completed with sauces of all kinds. of course if your tastes dipped towards the bc ferries recommended "carved roast beef" you could indulge that fantasy too. i heard the "au jus" was "interesting." then a whole host of small finger foods ... pickled ... plucked ... pounded ... pinched ... and puffed.


not to mention the desserts and drinks of which there were many. sure many of them consisted of beans contorted into impossible flavours and textures ... but if you could suspend your prejudice of "beans as strictly savoury" you were laughing. i happen to dig beans in all forms. chocolate torte and lattes for those who aren't hip to the bean.


the buffet's weaknesses were apparent after the inspection. obviously the roast beef thought it was all that and more so i gave it a wide birth. i'm not half way around the world to go toe to toe with beef. i already know we dance a good tango. the pickled cow stomach though ... now there's a contender. i love food. and i'm really not above trying most anything. so far i've drawn the line at stewed larvae. i'm not saying i've ruled them out completely ... but ... it may take some coaxing before i can work myself up to drink them down. stomach on the other hand. well ... the pieces were quite small. about the size of your little finger. grey. one side smooth ... probably the outside of the stomach wall and one side rippled with honeycombs ... probably the lining of the stomach.


okay ... it was a dare from one of the mexican guys. but who had the last laugh? that's right. there's nothing you can't pickle. chewy? yes. easy to get down? well ... if you don't think about it that hard and just enjoy the texture and sauce ... you bet. would i try it again. probably.


also sampled lots of different kinds of roe. some crazy yellow ones almost killed me. super ... and i mean super super sour. and fleshy. with every bite you know you're that much closer to finishing. of course the salmon roe were good times after that. had some incredible grilled fish and mushrooms like nobody's business. raw oysters with ginger-garlic sauces. little steamed things from the sea. i'm not sure what they were but thankfully they didn't come back to haunt me the next day. and of course some delicious fried tofus in crazy sauces.


it's the land of small servings here. small plates. small cups. do a little talking ... take your time ... and you're bringing the buffet to it's knees. we closed the place down. i just couldn't stop ... i mean ... how could i?


all in all i'm digging the food here ... from 5:00 onwards. breakfast is another matter entirely but when it comes to eating apres midi it's excellent. we've found a good restaurant just around the corner to eat at. quasi-buffet in that you only get one kick at the can and they do the serving but we just have to point to what looks good and there it is. about $10 CDN for a good meal for the both of us. there's also a restaurant downstairs from us that looks great as well. we haven't gone in yet ... but i could have sworn i saw vegetables on someone's plate as i walked by today so we're going to venture in very soon.


time is running out the ol' "smoke den" here and the belly is grumbling ... so ... until next time.


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